ding dong!

you saw what i wrote. and why i private my blog? because i dont wanna spread the thing to the world. i write to release everything. and most important is... i didnt want u to think i couldnt do it for u. i know i cant. not telling u and letting u know its what i had to do. i didnt want u to think i was that useless. i call myself useless..i dont mind. but what i mind is what u think. since now you know everything, i have nothing to hide. now u know how i stiill feel? and how much effort im putting. let me tell u. since that day...i never wanna know whats in your mind anymore. because what's in your mind might be good or bad. if good...i lucky la.. but all the time is bad..i choose to not know. you dont have to read really.. this is for me to release everything. without u knowing. now u know everything, is it good or bad? i dont wanna know :)

i wanna tell all my friends, how much im regretting, and how much u worth to me. you dont need to know. but they need to know. and i wanna tell them. i use to keep "us" so secretly. i dont really spread anything. i usually keep it to myself or ourselves. but not this time. if not people keep telling me to FORGET LA, LET GO LA.. cannot. I know i have to la. but i dont want. noone will understand this but Jeslyn. i dont think its worth forgetting. you keep telling me to stop thinking abt the past. keep asking me to forget. im here to tell u, if you wanna forget you forget dont ask me to forget because no matter what i wont. to me it would be a waste. i always wonder what's in your mind, i wonder but i never wanna know the truth. i fear facing your truth. some things are not meant for you to know le. especially how am i feeling. im not some weird stalker k?


You move on! its okay to leave me behind, i dont mind. i will stand up one day, just go. i dont ask for more. i dont ask for anything. i dont expect for more or anything. dont think im hoping for something. im not some lucky girl who gets what she wants. im the very special unlucky one. i know what im meant to be. i love you sweetheart..

-Alison Chow-