Its so suffering. Facing depression or hard feelings. its just so hard for me. if you follow my blog. i know ive said this 10000 times. but this sentence will never disappear. i will keep repeating it. bcs is my only sentence that can hold me, keep me standing and not fall. Its the holidays why the hell am i still like that? Should i blame myself?
This is the time when i say i give up. yes indeed i give up. i give up everything. u said its over, its so over. i dont block ur way. i just follow u where ever u go. If I am such a disappointment, disgrace to u. then u can give up. but now. i dont even know what have i done. I was just telling u i dont like it. i just wanted u to change.
Not new at all. You haven change abit. Your so call *asshole* temper attitude is still that. u still get mad so easily. u call me small gas everyday, like what u said my princess attitude? u keep saying i hurt u. u keep complaining about everything i say to u is so hurtful. how about those uve been saying about me? how about how i ever felt? i bet u never even thought of that before.
Sometimes i take it as a joke. but inside i am not. i just keep my mouth shut. just to avoid this. Yes i like comparing why?? Because i want that also. You keep saying so many hurtful words to me. i keep it to myself. and cry. and im trying my best to not use vulgarities anymore. I am trying. bcs i dont want to say to u and hurt u..
You always say all the things u do for me and i dont appreciate. i dont know why u can say that. what have i done that u think of me like that? can u list it out for me. turning it around and thinking if i would say that to u..how would u feel. and i can list it out. but i am not going to. bcs i duwan to expand the problem.
Saying im stupid, treating me as if im so dumb like i dont know anything. i know im not smart. but who gave u the right to hurt me like this? If you really dont like me or my fucking attitude then just leave k? ill leave too. just end the conversation. and never start it again. make sure u think before u say things. think whether it will hurt me.
you always say u dont want to see me cry. tell urself that. dont tell me. i cant control my emotions. but u can control your temper. enough already? if you want to talk to me, talk nicely politely and think first. when im getting hurt the most, i'm the one calling u instead of u. who's better huh?? I'm always the one making the first move. this is not the 1st time. I'm the one who wants to face the problem and solve you're always the one hiding away.
I tell u im giving up. i really am. i dont think anything can change my mind anymore. this is my limit. i cant go any further. sorry. Maybe u expected this. what u said just now, that word ******* make sure u can do it. i didnt say it. u did. dont regret. i take things seriously. sometimes i forgive and forget. i can forgive but i wont forget. or i will forget and wont forgive.
I wont make any decisions now. so just let it be. I'm leaving.
Sorry if i hurt your feelings. but this is how i feel. I hope u finally understand :)
-Alison-
No comments:
Post a Comment